Nov 2007 Recovery

Starting my recovery week here after the latest round of Chemo. This one was a real bear.

I hope the recovery will not be as brutal as the treatment week was. The swelling is still the immediate problem. Causing severe pains when I move or try to lay on my side, depending on how full of water I am at the time.


Last night I really juiced up the water pills I was taking to try to get some relief, and am glad to say I lost 4 pounds of water weight from the previous day. This of course comes at a price, which is no sleep. I was up every hour about exactly on the hour having to pee. Also I do not know what effects doubling the dosage of pills has on my system, like the kidneys and so on, but at that point last night I did not care, I had to do something.


Went to the hospital this morning at 8 AM to get my white blood cell booster shot so I don't get in that trouble like I did last time with the low immunity and so on.


The Dr. or course did not order this, I had to ask about it. Then found out he was on vacation and I could not get the orders made anyway. So I plead my case to one of the day treatment nurses, who are great by the way, and she called another Dr. and called in a favor to have me be able to get this shot before I got sick rather than after, which is how it always seems to go.
So hopefully that will help during the recovery process.



I have kind of a funny new thing that members of the family will appreciate. They are all familiar with a "Peggy Special" . It is my favorite sandwich. My grandmother used to make them for all us kids, and her name was Peggy, thus the Peggy special.


It is really pretty simple, it is a scrambled egg and cheese sandwich on cold white bread with mayo. But she used to make them with a little Crisco on this griddle she always cooked on. Anyway they hold a special place in all our hearts.


I have a concoction that I now deem the "Greggy Special".
It is not quite as mouth watering as hers and performs a very different function.

The "Greggy Special" is:
1 chewable Pepto Bismol tablet,
1 chewable Gas-Ex tablet,
1 Tums,
1 Rolaids,
and to top it off an Imodium AD.

This will pretty much cover what ails you in the gut, at least for the time being. I have these prepackaged up and ready to take at a moments notice. Give it a shot sometime if you really need some stomach relief.

That is about all I have for you for now.
Be good to one another and let everyone you love, know about it.
Greg

Round 2 of Act 2 Chemo, Continued.

I take back all the good things I said about this medicine regimen in previous postings.
This one is absolutely kicking my ass this week.
Coming home tonight at 6 from the session, I don't think I have ever been in so much pain.
Cindy was driving and by the time we were halfway up I-26 I was without a seat belt, squatting in the passenger seat with my feet on the seat and my legs underneath me leaning forward holding onto the ceiling handle. It was the most comfortable spot I could find. And even then I was literally howling in pain every 60 seconds or so and having to hold my breath for 30 second intervals.
I went straight upstairs to soak in the bath when we got home and never came back down again. Went to bed and writhed in pain there as well. Took all the pain medicine I could and even sleeping pills. Obviously things are still not quite acceptable as I am writing this at 2AM.
Anyway please pray for me, I am really going through the shit this week.
I cant imagine that I have 2 more days of this, I think it really might kill me. The swelling has continued to increase and is up to the top of my thighs now. I look like an oompa loompa from the first Willy Wonka movie, or maybe the girl that swelled up like a blueberry. It is happening in my stomach as well. Looks like I am carrying a beach ball under my shirt, but my arms are still skinny as twigs. The pressure caused by the swelling stomach is the worst of the pains I am experiencing. It is literally pushing on the other organs in my abdominal cavity.
My kidneys are taking the brunt of it. I get shooting pains in them like they are being kicked, but I have not moved or twitched, and they are not full or inflamed. It is just the pushing pressure of the stomach retaining water with no place left to expand. If I can relieve myself of any water or bowel movements or have a great series of burps the pressure slightly recedes and my kidneys get a break for a few mins until the pressure builds up again. (sorry to get graphic) It is a constant battle to just keep from having to scream in pain.
Funny thing is, (not that funny) this is just a stupid side effect of the dumb medicine that I have to take, to attempt to do some good against the major problem I am fighting. I sometimes feel like I am losing ground. This battle is bigger than I am. There are layers upon layers of problems to fight through. Everyday tasks such as stairs or getting dressed have become MAJOR challenges that leave me breathless and in need of a nap after completion. Thinking of doing any kind of chore, or just going to the store is a completely impossible task right now. A first grader could strong arm rob me and I would have no defense. I feel so helpless and weak and USELESS.
My mind is still there and churning and thinking and plotting possible moves at work and wanting to do house work and thinking of Christmas presents I need to get, but I cannot carry any of that out. I kind of wish they would slap me with a stupid pill or something to turn my mind down as my body goes down. Then when I a feeling better I could stop taking it and have my sharp senses again.
Concerning the pain, I try to put on the strongest face possible when around people so that they are not exposed to the darker side of this, but when they leave the room, I grimace or gasp or pant for breath or have to lean over with my hands on my knees and rest, or sit immediately or lay down or whatever. It is like holding in your stomach at the beach when a pretty girl walks by, and as soon as her back is turned releasing your gut.
I do that all day when around anyone but Cindy, who I have just about given up hiding anything from. If you ever see an outward visual indication that I am not doing good, multiply that by the factor of how much you think I can fake. If I can't hide it from you, it is really bad right then. That is why it is always strange to hear people at work say, "boy you are looking good today", or "well, you look healthy". It is a double edged sword to hear that. I am glad I can look good for them, but then again when I have to go home so much do they think I am faking, because I sure looked fine to them?
Sorry to go on, but this is what goes through my head at 2AM when I am feeling shitty.
Of course all of you know I am here to help you in anyway I can, I just do not have as many talents as I used to, like being able to come to your house and fix something. But I am always here to listen and offer any advice I can on any topic. It is the least I can do to return your kindness, and as you know I honestly love helping people, I find it very rewarding. It is something I really miss being able to do in this condition, and I am afraid that people do not want to bother me with their problems out of respect for what I am dealing with.
I just hope to have some long run improvement soon, if there is nothing good coming from all this pain it will be quite an emotional blow, not to mention a big step towards that final IRS audit in the sky. I am going to have to face that possibility more an more seriously if this regimen of medicine does not work. We are running out of options pretty quickly on treatment and cure. Lets jump off that bridge when we come to it. Right now I have to focus on the small battles, day to day. If I win all the small ones, I have to win the war right? That is what I keep telling myself anyway.

If you leave comments on the posting, please, please sign it so I know who you are.
Even if you think I should know it is you, from what you said, but sometimes I really cannot tell.

Stay Safe.
Love,
Greg

Round Two of Act 2 Chemo

Started Chemo again today. Just got back from a business trip to Minnesota, and of course overdid it.
It is impossible not to.
When I finally arrived in Charleston, I waited and let everyone else off the plane so as not to hold anybody up. Then I got my heavy carry on and lugged it across the tarmac. They have an agent that has to walk with the last person off the runway so you don’t go crazy and screw with the planes and stuff. I asked this person if there was an elevator we could take instead of the crazy steep stairs up to the terminal. “There is one, but it is too far to walk”. I guess she just thought I was being lazy. Little does she know that if I ask for something like that I am damn near death. So of course I just take it on the chin like always and start to climb the stairs. You have to be in a friggin wheel chair to get any respect, you know.
I might look young and spry, but there is a serious battle going on beneath the surface.
So I climb the stairs by lifting my suitcase with a huge grunt and setting it on the first stair, then bringing up one leg, then the other. Now lift the suitcase to the next stair and repeat the process. About halfway up I have to stop and rest for about 45 seconds.
Of course smart ass gate agent is on the stair right behind me the whole time following me and my slow procession up this nearly vertical rolling staircase, without offering any assistance mind you.
Maybe she is rethinking showing me where the elevator is, or more likely thinking I am faking this to make her life hard because this lazy bastard wanted to take the elevator and I would not let him.
Anyway I make it to the terminal finally and limp my way to baggage claim. Have to stop and go the bathroom along the way, but that is a whole other story.
As I arrive at baggage, all the happy people are getting their bags and proceeding out the doors to loved ones arms and warm vehicles to wisk them and their checked luggage home. But what about Mr. Lucky here…. Oh hell no, I wait, and no bag, I wait and still no bag. I realize now that I am alone and the only idiot standing in baggage claim watching the empty carousel go round and round.
Go to the counter, and of course they have lost my 1 piece of checked luggage, which is only about the 3rd piece of luggage I have checking in about 5 years. I have about a 20% chance of losing a bag when checking. That is my statistical history with the airlines. They cannot even tell me if the thing left Minnesota or not. What good does the baggage claim tag and scan bar do if they cant even tell you that.
So I have to stand there and fill out a form and file a claim and all that crap, while I am ready to pass out from complete exhaustion.
By the time I get home Cindy has to literally help me up the stairs into the house, I go straight to the bathtub to soak. Then I go straight to bed, this is about 6PM. I sleep all night Saturday and until about 2 PM on Sunday.
Monday morning up early to go to work for a few hours, and then off to Chemo which is where I sit now writing this entry.
It only took us 3 attempts to start the IV today as opposed to the 4 attempts last time. I feel like a human pin cushion.
That’s all the fun for now, not feeling real strong going into Chemo which is not good. You really need to be at your peak before they poison you again, but time marches on and I have to get it done.
Be good to each other.
Remember to spay and neuter your pets and encourage your friends and neighbors to do the same.
Love,
Greg