Starting August with a fresh dose of Poison
Hi Everybody,
Tomorrow is August first, and I am starting it off on the right foot with a cocktail of 5-FU, Dicarbozine, Steroids, and a stomach drain. Here I sit in my Superman underoos thinking I need to catch you all up before I start getting in trouble for not posting. Some of you natives get restless when I go a while without giving you the new dirt. Been a quiet few weeks since we talked so here we go.
Just the normal aches and pains this past month, and fatigue seems to be a permanent resident now in my routine.
All things revolve around energy levels. My problem is that I get to feeling good for a few mins and think "Hey, lets catch up and get some crap done around here". But I have no meter that tells me when to stop working. I should do an hour of activity but try to do 5 or 6, sometimes even more. By the time I feel the pain or exhaustion coming on, it is way too late to stop without consequences. If I can feel it, the egg has already been fried and there is no going back to fix it. So I end up spending the next 24 hours in a sheer state of exhaustion, laying on my ass on the couch, slipping in and out of consciousness.
It is just that so much stuff gets behind in the business of the house, and bills, and errands to be done, and shopping to do. Cindy is already way put upon and does the work of two of us around the house, so I feel guilty and compelled to use every ounce of energy I have to help her out and take any duty I am physically capable of doing from off of her plate.
She of course then yells at me for doing too much and not looking out for myself, but it is humiliating to be incapable of taking care of myself sometimes, and not pulling at least 50% of the load around the house. I used to do more than 50% and now I just cant stand the fact she has to work all day, then come home and take care of me. She says she does not mind, but how long can that continue? Infinitely, she says, because she loves me and I believe it, but it does not take away the guilt or longing to make her life as comfortable as possible.
So that is how and why I wear my self out so much.
In other news, cooking has been my new hobby as of late. I am such a woman now, if the TV is on there is a 50% chance that the food network is showing. I sometimes spend hours in the kitchen cooking (normally broken into shifts) and then am too exhausted to eat it after I finally get it done. Also my apatite is like that of a flea. I so want to enjoy these great dishes, but they mostly go to waste after just a few bites. Pretty frustrating, but I get enjoyment out of the creative process and the actual act of cooking.
My mother does not understand this. She says her rules of cooking are, work no more than 15 mins and use no more than 3 ingredients. Hell, I use more than 3 herbs or spices in everything I am making. She does not see that I enjoy the process, like gardening or knitting. It is much easier to go to the store and buy vegetables, or sweaters, but people like to do the craft. This is my craft. Probably just a passing phase, but I am having fun for now at least, when I have the energy to do it.
Since Cindy is still completely vegetarian, many of the things I am making I have no one to share them with, which kind of takes away from the enjoyment some. It is always nice to see someones reaction to your efforts. Hopeful positive reaction. I don't even know if I am any good, because I have no one to critique the dishes for feedback.
Wish I could mail some of this food to some of you to try, but with this kind of craft it is impossible to share long distance.
Need to go get some rest before my big first day of Chemo. It is always about twice as long as normal chemo days. They do new tests and have to make the meds on site after the results are processed on day one. The rest of the week is just delivering the meds.
I am up to 2 stomach drains a week now. I have not gone 7 days without a drain for about 2 months. Running more like every 4 days and we are taking the maximum (4 liters, about 9 pounds) every time.
Have a good day, week, or month, however long before I post again.
Be nice to each other, for everyone you meet is fighting their own personal battle.
Love to you all,
Greg the Chemo Warrior
Tomorrow is August first, and I am starting it off on the right foot with a cocktail of 5-FU, Dicarbozine, Steroids, and a stomach drain. Here I sit in my Superman underoos thinking I need to catch you all up before I start getting in trouble for not posting. Some of you natives get restless when I go a while without giving you the new dirt. Been a quiet few weeks since we talked so here we go.
Just the normal aches and pains this past month, and fatigue seems to be a permanent resident now in my routine.
All things revolve around energy levels. My problem is that I get to feeling good for a few mins and think "Hey, lets catch up and get some crap done around here". But I have no meter that tells me when to stop working. I should do an hour of activity but try to do 5 or 6, sometimes even more. By the time I feel the pain or exhaustion coming on, it is way too late to stop without consequences. If I can feel it, the egg has already been fried and there is no going back to fix it. So I end up spending the next 24 hours in a sheer state of exhaustion, laying on my ass on the couch, slipping in and out of consciousness.
It is just that so much stuff gets behind in the business of the house, and bills, and errands to be done, and shopping to do. Cindy is already way put upon and does the work of two of us around the house, so I feel guilty and compelled to use every ounce of energy I have to help her out and take any duty I am physically capable of doing from off of her plate.
She of course then yells at me for doing too much and not looking out for myself, but it is humiliating to be incapable of taking care of myself sometimes, and not pulling at least 50% of the load around the house. I used to do more than 50% and now I just cant stand the fact she has to work all day, then come home and take care of me. She says she does not mind, but how long can that continue? Infinitely, she says, because she loves me and I believe it, but it does not take away the guilt or longing to make her life as comfortable as possible.
So that is how and why I wear my self out so much.
In other news, cooking has been my new hobby as of late. I am such a woman now, if the TV is on there is a 50% chance that the food network is showing. I sometimes spend hours in the kitchen cooking (normally broken into shifts) and then am too exhausted to eat it after I finally get it done. Also my apatite is like that of a flea. I so want to enjoy these great dishes, but they mostly go to waste after just a few bites. Pretty frustrating, but I get enjoyment out of the creative process and the actual act of cooking.
My mother does not understand this. She says her rules of cooking are, work no more than 15 mins and use no more than 3 ingredients. Hell, I use more than 3 herbs or spices in everything I am making. She does not see that I enjoy the process, like gardening or knitting. It is much easier to go to the store and buy vegetables, or sweaters, but people like to do the craft. This is my craft. Probably just a passing phase, but I am having fun for now at least, when I have the energy to do it.
Since Cindy is still completely vegetarian, many of the things I am making I have no one to share them with, which kind of takes away from the enjoyment some. It is always nice to see someones reaction to your efforts. Hopeful positive reaction. I don't even know if I am any good, because I have no one to critique the dishes for feedback.
Wish I could mail some of this food to some of you to try, but with this kind of craft it is impossible to share long distance.
Need to go get some rest before my big first day of Chemo. It is always about twice as long as normal chemo days. They do new tests and have to make the meds on site after the results are processed on day one. The rest of the week is just delivering the meds.
I am up to 2 stomach drains a week now. I have not gone 7 days without a drain for about 2 months. Running more like every 4 days and we are taking the maximum (4 liters, about 9 pounds) every time.
Have a good day, week, or month, however long before I post again.
Be nice to each other, for everyone you meet is fighting their own personal battle.
Love to you all,
Greg the Chemo Warrior
posted by Greg at
7:24 PM
7 Comments:
It is nice to have a "Julia Child" in the family. Yes Greg, you do have quite a flare for good-tasting food. We appreciate the recipies you have shared with us, both in person and on paper. Your illness has brought to the front and expanded on your hidden talents.
Pray that your chemo week goes as good as possible for you.
Thank you for sharing.
We love you, Mom & Geno
By
Anonymous, at 10:34 PM
Hope your first day went without a hitch!! Will be thinking of you all week as you progress.
Wish we were closer and could share in some of the great foods! I have no doubt that all are nothing short of fantastic. Keep sending those recipes!!!
Love you loads!! Tam
By
Anonymous, at 12:45 AM
Hey buddy, I'm glad cooking is a new release for you and that you enjoy it so. I have to agree with Mom on that one though, about 3 ingredients is all I'm good for too! haha. Just never quite developed the art of cooking and my poor family has paid the price all these years. But they take it in stride. Well, it's mid week now and the treatments are almost done for this go 'round. I hope your new book has helped pass the time while you're at the hospital. Take care and I'll talk to you in a few days.
Love you Buddy!
Michelle
By
Anonymous, at 10:24 PM
1 table spoon minced garlic with enough oil to cook it, don't let it brown.
add one 8oz WHIPPED philly creme cheese
add one stick butter
add around 4 to 8 oz of half and half
add one canister of parm shredded cheese
mix well between all.....thin to liking with half and half
use low fat if you must, yuk doesn't melt well either.
once stirred well, let heat.... and add your fav. toppings, I like to add salte portabella mushrooms.....for you, you may like to add some sort of chicken, already cooked......
cook your noodles...fettuccine are best with this....
pour sauce over noodles, i like to add parsley and diced tomatoes
somewhere in all this, toast some garlic bread
try it, i guarantee you'll love it. olive garden doesn't do alfredo well compared to this.
take care bro,
love from columbia
By
Anonymous, at 7:28 AM
Dear Chemo Warrior,
Auntie Phyl back again to say thanks for the update.
I am so happy that there is another person out there that enjoys playing with food. That is what cooking is for me. I like using my imagination and have a husband that tolerates it and says thank you daily.
I sure wish I could find someone with a recipe canned green beans with a flare. I want to home can green beans that are different...not just green stuff in water. Was searching the web today and didn't find much. If you want to help me out...the e-mail address is rplytle@bellsouth.net.
Our 30' x 40' garden is a blessing, considering the drought we have going here outside of Asheville. My husband, Ron, put in a 275 gal. rain barrel and it has been a blessing. We have used it since July to water the garden and have only had to go to the well twice.
Please know that you are in my prayers, almost every day. Love and prayer,
Auntie Phyl
By
Anonymous, at 2:36 PM
Hi Greg,
Auntie Phyl here again 8/21 to say you are loved and prayed for!
Have a blessed day!
By
Anonymous, at 10:22 AM
hi greg
this is gerald's mom, out here in the woodwork, thinking about you. way back yonder you might remember spending the night on my couch. or remember driving me home from the hospital (for gerald)
you own a big part of my heart. and as a nurse, i try to feel for you and try to absorb part of the situation. i wish i had a majic wand. my prayer is up there.
my love to you,
fran
By
Anonymous, at 9:07 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home