Bad 3 weeks

Well the last 3 weeks have been the worst stretch of time for me since 2002 and the original tumor removal surgery. I can’t even begin to describe the crap that has gone on, and what we have been through. It is a complete book in and of itself. Starting with Chemo on the 7th, and then the surgery on the 11th, spending the weekend in the hospital, and having a crazy life flashing before my eyes, thought I was going to die complication during my stomach draining procedure on the 14th.
It has taken a long time to recover. I was at an all time physical and emotional low. Cindy and I had some serious long talks about the big picture and what the future might bring.
We are probably going to be going to Philadelphia in the next couple months to the Cancer Center of America, to have a panel of Dr’s look at my whole case, and give us a second opinion or alternate treatment path from what we are doing at MUSC. Things have really not been that smooth with MUSC lately. Cindy was very upset with them about various last second changes that were pulled on us and not getting good information from them, and other screw ups we had to endure on top of all the physical anguish that was going on. I was too miserable to be as pissed as she was. I just pretty much mentally stepped out of my body, and just submitted to whatever abuse they put me through physically.
She is so strong. She is the only reason I am able to continue. Like a rock, or a steel girder, she holds me up when I fall, which is all the time lately. I may have luck for shit, but I was certainly blessed with an incredible wife. I am also blessed with an incredibly supportive family. Everyday I get something in the mail from one of them. Their support and outpouring of love during all this has been overwhelming. It is humbling to say the least.
After a couple weeks of recovery I thought I might do a little chore. There was a light bulb that needed to be changed, so I got out the little step stool we have which is about a 15 inch step. When I tried to step up onto the stool, I could not get the strength to make it up. I had one foot on and just could not physically step up to bring the other leg on the stool.
Do you have any idea how ridiculous that is? I was friggin furious. I even had something to hold onto and could not get my weak ass up on a foot stool. I did however muster the strength to then throw the foot stool across the garage and into the opposing wall in a fit of rage and frustration. How useless do I feel not even being able to change a light bulb.
I am just now feeling good enough to go to work for a couple hours a day. Yesterday, though I made the mistake of thinking I would go in early and leave early. I ended up leaving the house at 9:30 and not getting home until 4:30. What happened to the day? I just get sucked into that office like a black hole.
So when I got home I went to sleep right away, and am still paying the price today.
Chemo starts again on Monday, yippee!
I have some more stuff to tell you all, but I am out of energy now. I am such a wuss, typing wears me out. What a waste of skin. I really need a recovery session, and to get some strength. Maybe after the next Chemo round is over.
I have new and refreshed look at the world since the scare with the bad reaction to the drain procedure. I literally thought I was going to die in that room on Monday. I want to let all my friends and family know how much I love them, I did not think I would ever get the chance to tell anyone again. It is hard to explain the emotions. Let me just leave it at that.
Love to all.
Greg
PS Adopt a pet and share your love with a furry friend that will be there for you, and forgive you no matter how big of a jerk you may be.